our first day alone

Thursday, July 31, 2014

monday was the first day that bd went back to work. it was probably the hardest day thus far. all the diaper changes and swaddling was up to me. it has been so nice to have him home to help me so I was beyond terrified to be left alone with mw.
i had my first post partum dr appointment and it was a bit scary, having to make sure i fed mw before we left so i wouldn't have to make a stop anywhere. it was also difficult to carry him in his car seat so i'm excited for the baby carrier. there were a couple of times during the day that mw cried, and i hate hearing him cry. it makes me so sad and him not being able to tell me what he needs makes me even more sad.
well, we survived. even though i did watch the clock and jumped up and down when bd finally came home. i think mw missed his daddy as well.

mw: his birth story

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

prior to having mw, i never had any braxton hicks nor any other signs of labor. other than the normal aches here and there and some minor swelling of my feet, i was sure that mw would come on his due date of july 16th. the day before i had him, i was at work. around 10am, i felt an ache on my left lower back. i had felt this a couple of times before in the evening after a long day, but never that early in the morning. it made walking uncomfortable since putting pressure on my left side hurt. i didn't think too much of it and went about my day.

friday, july 11th
3:30am. i woke up with stomach cramps that felt like menstrual cramps. one of my coworkers told me that contractions feel like menstrual cramps so when i woke up and start feeling the cramps coming and going, i was a bit alarmed. i wasn't ready to have him on friday. i was supposed to meet with one of my managers that day to wrap up an audit that i was working on.

at my previous obgyn visit, i had asked my midwife how i will know if i am having real contractions and she told me about the 5-1-1 rule. so for the next hour, i timed my contractions and continued to google the 5-1-1 rule, all while thinking, is today really the day?

since it was harder for me to breathe while sleeping laying down, bd and i had started sleeping the past two nights in the living room, me sleeping at an angle on the sectional while bd slept on the floor. while the hour pass, i tried my best to keep quiet so i wouldn't wake bd up, in case i was having a false labor.

4:30am. after the hour passed, i woke bd up and told him that i think i was having contractions. he sort of laughed at me, thinking i was probably not sure what i was talking about. which was true. i had no idea if i was having true contractions or not, but again, the cramps kept coming and going with the 5-1-1 pattern.

for the next hour, bd timed me and it remained consistent.

5:30am. bd started getting ready and i started gathering my things together. good thing i had packed my hospital bag already. since we lived about 40 minutes away from the hospital, i was a little nervous about being sent home since that would mean fighting traffic, but with the consistent 5-1-1, i figure, this can't be false labor.

6:30am. we started driving to the hospital. thankfully, traffic was not bad. the drive wasn't very comfortable. i had previously thought that i could drive myself if i needed to, but i don't think any pregnant person in labor should have to drive herself. the contractions make it hard to concentrate on the road.

we stopped by cvs to pick up a few items for the water birth. right next door was hardees, and i was craving some biscuits & gravy, and let me tell you, hardees' biscuits & gravy, so good! i worked at hardees at a teenager and gained about 15 lbs, mainly from the biscuits & gravy.

7:30am. we got to the hospital around this time. when the contractions hit, i couldn't walk nor concentrate at all. little did i know what was ahead of me.

8:00am. we got situated in a make-shift room where i was checked and admitted into the hospital. i was so relief as i was so set on having my little guy that day. i overheard the couple to the right of us being told that they were only having false labor. there was another couple to the left of us who was progressing really fast and taken to a labor & delivery room.

there weren't any labor & delivery rooms left so the nurse periodically came to check on me and see how i was progressing, but we waited for the next room to free up. bd reminded me to breathe and we just talked in between. the nurse got me apple juice and told me to drink a lot of apple juice and to stay hydrated. the nurse also got me cut fruits to eat and bd fed me apple juice and fruits while we wait.

it seemed like we waited forever. the whole time, i was thinking, surely, i will have this baby by noon.

12:00am. finally, we were admitted into the room. i had not yet progressed from a 4-5 and i was getting a little discouraged. i felt like my contractions were getting worse and yet, i wasn't progressing.

in order to get into the inflatable pool for my water birth, i needed to be at least an 8. at this point, i was thinking, surely, i will have this baby by 3pm.

they connected me to the machine to check my contractions and listen to the baby's heartbeat. the contractions were getting worse and at some point, the nurse checked and i had progressed to a 5-6, which was still a very slow progress. my water wasn't breaking and they thought that if my water will break, my delivery will be fast.

the nurse encouraged me to go into the shower as that might help with the contractions. i was in the shower for probably an hour/hour and a half. i felt like the contractions were even worse in the shower.

finally, i got out and all i wanted to do at this point was go lay down and close my eyes. i was getting really tired and the contractions were not helping at all.

at some point, i just felt like i couldn't go on any further. i felt like i needed the epidural. i was tired of the contractions and my body was getting so worn out. i couldn't relax very much when the contractions came. i started screaming every time the contractions came. i couldn't keep it in anymore.

5:30pm. the nurse and my midwife came in and we discussed my options. i really wanted the epidural, but a part of me didn't also. i wanted to stick to my birth plan, but the pain was just too much.

my midwife told me that they can give me morphine, but i won't be able to get into the inflatable pool until after 2 hours. with the iv drip, i could get into the water after 1 hour. they can also break my water.

i didn't know what to do at all. contractions were still coming and going and i was getting to the point of being delirious.

finally, i decided on the iv drip and breaking my water. the minute the iv drip was given to me, i started feeling flowy. my water was broken. i could feel my whole body relax. it was amazing.

and then the next contraction hit me, and the most painful contraction hit me like a rock. i remember screaming to bd, this isn't working! this, referring to the iv drip.

the contraction made my body completely tense up and i grabbed onto the rail and i just started shaking. i started asking bd to help me, and that this was hurting me so much. i saw him cry and i felt so bad because i knew he was so sad for me and so sad to watch me go through all this pain, and not be able to help me.

bd went to grab the nurse, and it seemed like forever before they came.

6:30pm. around this time, they checked my progress and i was now an 8. everything was progressing really fast. i was screaming like crazy with every contraction. i was still asking for the epidural. my midwife was encouraging me and telling me that i need to get into the inflatable pool and that i would feel so much better. i didn't want to go anywhere. i just wanted to lay on the bed and sleep. and i wanted the epidural so i could rest a little. my midwife told me that the epidural could slow things down, which is what i wanted. however, my midwife told me that what i wanted was to progress and get it over with.

7:15pm. the nurse, my midwife and bd finally got me into the inflatable pool. the warm water felt great. i remember hearing the anesthesiologist come into the room, and then heard him say, i guess you don't need me anymore, and with that, he left. in the back of my mind, i still had a thought that maybe i will still get the epidural.

at this point, there was a shift change and a new nurse came in. so around the inflatable pool was bd, the nurse and the midwife. i remember telling bd, he's never coming out, i'm going to die, and he doesn't want to come out.

7:43pm. the water definitely helped me in between the contractions. i pushed for about 15-20 minutes and out, he came. my eyes were closed and i was just pushing for dear life so i didn't see his entrance into the world but bd said that he did a little somersault in the water.

the midwife gave him to me and i was able to hold him for a few minutes. i remember thinking, oh my goodness, there was actually an actual human inside of me. he was so beautiful and he was screaming, his lungs all healthy. bd cut the cord. the nurse asked bd to take his shirt off so he could have some skin-to-skin with our baby boy.

after the midwife helped me clean up, our baby boy was brought to me and he started breastfeeding immediately. he was so precious and so cute. i definitely had my mom filters on :)

after all is said and done, that was the hardest dance that i ever did dance, but the prize was so worth it. he is the most beautiful thing that i have ever laid my eyes on. worth every contraction, worth every pain. if i had known that breaking my water would have helped me see him sooner, i would have asked for earlier then i had it.


mw's first rainfall

we had some rain last week & bd took mw outside so he can experience the rain.

it's a bit bright outside!

trying hard to open those pretty eyes!

it's way too bright mama!

bd putting some rain on his head.

some rain on his feet.

sitting with daddy & watching the rain fall.

look at those tiny toes. it kills me every time!

mw meets some of my family

Sunday, July 27, 2014

this weekend, mw met my family for the first time. he enjoyed meeting his grandma & grandpa y and uncle t & auntie s.
he wasn't sure about his uncle at first.

mw studying his uncle's face.

he's not so sure about his auntie s either.

okay, show's over! he misses them though & can't wait to see them again!
bd goes back to work tomorrow & we are both sad that he won't be hanging out with us. it's been such a big help with bd around. i can actually eat, shower, put on some makeup, take naps, ah, you know, just do a little bit of normal day to day things.
i'm looking forward to some one-on-one time with my little guy, but i am definitely nervous to be doing it alone this week. keep us in your prayers!

where do you go when you're dreaming?

Friday, July 25, 2014

i can hear your little breaths. so precious and so heavenly. it takes me to another place.
your face so free of worry, so free of stress. so apparent of the reason why we are all here. offering a little source of relief. you, who are so beautiful.
where do you go when you're dreaming?
is it the land of milk? as your father jokingly says. and when you twitch, are you having nightmares? or do you dream of falling sometimes? know my dear, that i'll always be here to catch you.
you, who are so precious and so heavenly. you, who are bringing us so much joy.
where do you go when you're dreaming?



Wednesday, July 23, 2014

looking back, the last 9 months have really flown by. i'm feeling so grateful for a good pregnancy, and for him being healthy. he is truly a gift from heaven.

pictures by ciji ann. she also took his newborn pictures so i can't wait to share those when they are ready!

body after pregnancy

Monday, July 21, 2014

now that my baby boy is out and about, i'm relearning my body. i'm doing all the things that i wasn't able to do before, like laying on my tummy, putting on my own shoes, bending over and picking up things, etc. i've been taking it pretty easy this past week and will continue to do so. we did go for a light walk this afternoon and mw had his first two-miler.

i found this terrific article here on the changes to your body after childbirth. there were some things that i was definitely curious about and this article did help me with those questions that i had.

prior to having mw, i picked up the cinch at izzy maternity. i had looked at the belly bandit, but it wasn't adjustable to as many sizes and i knew that i wanted something that was adjustable since a lot of my girlfriends had mentioned that after having a baby, you do still look 6 months pregnant.

i wore the cinch as soon as i got home from the hospital and only take it off when i shower and when i feed mw (since i had some leaking get on the band and i was tired of hand washing it so often). Here is a little bit information on the history of wrapping.

it's super easy to use and easy to adjust. 


i love how much size options you have with this particular band.
happy monday!

mw: one week old

Friday, July 18, 2014

my little guy is one week old. so far this week:

-he's enjoyed face timing with his grandma and grandpa.
-he listened to his first hmong songs last night.
-he slept in his bassinet without us having to hold him. we found one that is absolutely perfect. it has vibrations along with music.
-he had his newborn pictures taken :) i can't wait to see those pictures!
-he's been trying to hold his head up.
-he's peeling like crazy. per the pediatrician, this is normal since he is used to being in liquid.
-he continues to eat every three hours.
-today we went to the pediatrician and he is now 6 lb 10 oz, a 6 oz weight gain from tuesday's pediatrician visit. yay!

have a great weekend!

first pediatrician visit

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

yesterday was his first trip to the pediatrician. his measurements are currently:

height: 19 3/4 (42%)
weight: 6lb 4 oz (9%)
head circumference: 3 1/2 (17%)

he is still so tiny and we will be going back to the pediatrician on friday to make sure that he has gained weight. he is being breastfed and has been doing great so i am hoping that he will have gained more weight when we go back.

i'm working on his birth story so i should have that done sometime this week. thanks for checking in on this little cutie.


 his little poker face.

my favorite time is when he is sleeping on my chest. his little warm body just breathing. i just love him so much!

this face cracks me up. he is just looking so serious all the time.

our little boy

Monday, July 14, 2014

who knew that when i pleaded with my little man here to come soon, he would be such a good boy and come so soon. we had our little boy friday, july 11th at 7:43pm, after a super long and hard labor. we are both feeling so blessed and just falling in love with our little boy. it's surreal that he's finally here, but it is hard to even imagine what life was like before him. such a weird feeling to be a mom and i am loving it.

i haven't decided if i would post up his birth story on here or not. if you want me to, let me know!

this was taken minutes after he was born. worth all the pain in the world.

until we meet

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

the pleasures been all mine to house you for the past 9 months or so. but now, i'm ready for you to vacate. for the past 9 months, we've had plenty of time to bond. i've gained around 40 lbs. i've succumbed to your cravings. tomato basil from jason's would have never been my food of choice. i haven't ate it since, and i don't know if this coming winter, i will be partaking again. i've missed out on fall, spring and summer clothes shopping. i've lived in pretty much 6-7 dresses that i can easily slip on. sandals are my friends. nights, i've laid sleepless, turning side to side to get comfortable. nausea. fatigue. you've worn me down and out. so many nights of getting up to pee, stumbling around in the dark, my eyes barely open. mornings not getting being able to put my own shoes on. and when you first became real big, i didn't really know how to put lotion on either. learning how to work around you. that i can't just get up like i used to. that the quarter i dropped isn't all that much. that i can't get up so fast. that my balance isn't all there. i no longer can tell when i'm too full, since i feel full all the time. weird things that's happened to my body, not including stretch marks.

oh but these past 9 months, i've thought about you so much. i wonder whether you'll look like your dad or you'll look like me. or maybe the best of each of us, haha. i wonder if you'll be a big napper like me, and sleep soundly like me. or a light sleeper like your dad, awoken by the man snoring in the apartment over. i wonder if you'll be outgoing and crazy like your dad, or quiet and reserved and awesome like me ;)

i can't wait to take you for walks. i can't wait to lay beside you and watch you sleep. i wonder if you'll dream and make little funny noises. or do babies dream? i wonder if you'll like the beach, and the sand in your toes. i can't wait for your little fingers to wrap them on mine. i can't wait to wake up and come see if you are awake. i can't wait for you to give me the little baby stank-eyes that babies' faces make. i can't wait to watch you experience saturdays, weekends, ice cream, happiness, christmas, halloween.

oh honey bunny, one more week until we meet. and you better not make me wait.


what's in my overnight hospital bag

Monday, July 7, 2014

remember this post where you helped me pick an overnight bag? well, the bag came and i have finally finished packing for the hospital. i am 1 week, 2 days from the big day so i am so relief that i'm finally through packing for the hospital.

i'm so happy that i choose this bag. it's large enough to fit everything and i'll definitely be using it for other trips this year. 

i haven't had time to read my magazines so these are coming to the hospital with me, just in case i have time to read :) 


his first baby book. 

my birth plan and a journal to take notes or write down some thoughts. 

blankets from my friend a and some burp clothes. 

his just born top from my friend m along with some outfits for him. 

slippers for me. 

a few diapers for him with just a few wipes, just in case. 

a super comfy robe and nursing nightgown.
anything that i missed that i need to add to my overnight bag asap?!!!

nesting success

Saturday, July 5, 2014

let the nesting officially begin! and there really is no better time to nest then during a long weekend. the plan is to work almost up to my due date so these last few weekends are a catch up time for me. and there is only one more weekend after this!!! and hopefully next weekend is more of a relaxing weekend.
we spent the bulk of today at ikea looking for a dresser. and finally found the perfect one to house the little guy's clothes and my clothes. living in a tiny space, there is just no room for extras and anytime we add anything else, we have to try and come up with a clever way to blend it in. with the baby's stuff, it's nearly overtaken the little bits of space we have left.
anyways, back to the dresser. this little dresser took us nearly 3 hours to put together. crawling and getting up and sitting down, and just trying to help bd completely tired me out. but it's all put together, and i've already filled it up with all his little things, and my big things.

 i really liked the lining that came with this dresser.

lots of room for everything.
have a great rest of the day! fingers crossed that my sister in law has her baby today!!!
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