Oh, Just Feeling Like a Crappy Mom

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Mason's sleep habits are totally crazy these days. He's been waking up at 2am, and he doesn't go to sleep until after 10pm. He does sleep in until 8am, but I need that 10pm to be more like 7pm.

Tonight, I figure I would lay in bed with him and see if he will go to sleep. He thought about it, but that's all that happened. Giving up, I threw him in his Pack N Play (crib is not yet put together). I could hear his cries from downstairs, straining at my heart. I couldn't stand hearing him so I went in the garage to finish staining my shelves. I could still hear him.

That was so hard, and it's always hard to hear him cry. I really just want to get him, and hug him, and tell him that I love him. And would I be doing a disservice to him? I don't know. But honestly, I can't bear it. I love my little guy so very much.


When in Doubt, Just Do

It's been absolutely wonderful to fill our space with the things that we love. We still have quite a long ways to go as there are things to buy, and projects to do. With Mason, I find that the time for these things are either during nap time or late into the night. There is a lot more online shopping versus in store shopping. Sometimes I hate those delivery surcharge and shipping fees but it does make life easier.

I've taken some risk on some items for the house, and I'm hoping it works out, but I'm not sure completely. On the plus side, I don't want things too matchy anyways so I think it will all turn out okay. I've been following our cousin's advice on just buying whatever it is and putting it into our home. When I think that I have made a bad decision, I just go with it and make it work. Prime example: the rugs for the living room and the kitchen. Every morning they would just glare at me, and I would stare back. The longer I stared, the more I believed that they were too small for the space. I moved them to the bonus room and to Mason's room, and I really like the change. Both areas are now lacking in that cozy comfort though but I do have a rug coming for the living room. Fingers crossed that I will love the color!

House Projects:
1. The shelvings above! Thanks to our cousins for all the tips and tricks and tools. I can't wait to share the after pictures with you.
2. The TV box. I want it to be holiday ready and we have a long way to go.
3. Dining room bench. I want to paint it, and I've yet to figure out what color.

Thanks for reading!

My Little Baby

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Sometimes I forget how young Mason still is. Now that he's walking around, signaling when he wants something, saying little words like mama, a part of me feels like he comprehends what I am saying and what is happening around him. I just keep forgetting that at the end of the day, he is still my little baby, and I love that.

Earlier today, we were on our way back from the grocery store, and he had a poopy diaper, and he hadn't had a nap, and he just started wailing in the backseat. I sung to him and the cries just kept getting louder. I explained to him that we were getting closer and he wouldn't listen to reasoning.

He was still a baby, and though he was learning a lot, he still listened to his needs first and foremost, and those controlled his actions. We got home, and got all that needed to be taken care of, and I plopped him down for a nap that he didn't know he needed. And so, the house is quiet, and I can clean up, and by clean up, I mean online shopping and blogging :) Sorry Brandon!


Why Paleo? Why Now?

Saturday, November 14, 2015

If you follow me on Instagram, you would have seen that I've gone Paleo! Well, not completely. I've never been strict when it comes to eating, and I still truly believe moderation in all things. I'm trying to make my dinner as Paleo as possible, while working towards that goal for the other meals. I hate to jump into something full swing, especially since I don't have the luxury of time, and meal planning. Dinnertime is easier since Brandon can watch Mason while I make dinner, or I can put on some YouTube videos for him to watch while I make dinner, and we wait for Brandon to come home from work. 

When I first told Brandon that I wanted us to go Paleo, he asked why Paleo? and why now? The question of why Paleo is due to me simply seeing the cookbooks at Costco. Every time Mason and I go to Costco, I always go and peruse the book section, and over the past couple of months, they have been having a lot of Paleo books there and the food looks really tasty and healthy so it's stuck with me. Also, we have two friends that are die-hard Paleo-(tians???) so I have heard the term being thrown around. The recipes themselves seem like what I would prefer to eat anyways. I've also stopped eating a lot of diary for one reason or another so it seems to fit. My nemesis is carbohydrates so I am going to work on that as I make my journey to completely Paleo. 

The question of why now? stems from several things. First and foremost, over the last couple of years, I have grown allergic to many of the melons and sweets that I grew up eating. I have no idea why but I do know that there are a couple of people on my mom's side that has seem to have the same thing. In my (probably uneducated mind), I have reasoned this to be due to environmental issues in the food that I am consuming, or possibly even the breakdown of my body. I've mentioned my allergies to my doctors before, and they have simply told me to avoid those foods without giving me a satisfactory explanation. 

The second reason as to why now is that I've started just being super lethargic. I've always been one that needs the extra sleep, the extra nap, but now more then ever, I just feel tired a lot of the time, and since Mason is super active, I need to keep my body healthy in order to keep up with him. 

Finally, I'm getting older and the older I get, the more I realized that I'm still quite young and I want to feel this way for a long time which means taking care of my body. 

These two books are on sale at Costco. The prices are better then on Amazon, so get yours there!

Thursday's dinner. Stove-top chicken tenderloins, sautéed asparagus, guacamole and white corn chips. The Paleo recipe needed to be marinaded overnight so I had to make a quick meal, and the guacamole was what I was craving. 

Friday's dinner. Thai beef and cucumber salad. This recipe is from The Paleo Foodie Cookbook. This dish was so yummy! Brandon said this is probably his favorite dish so far in our many years of marriage. The basil and cilantro made this dish taste so fresh. The dressing has chili pepper in it, so it has a nice bite to it. Overall, so yummy!

Thanks for reading, and I'll be sure to share what we ate for dinner for the week on my Friday post!

Happy weekend! 


The Best Pad Thai Recipe

Friday, November 6, 2015

Measurements aren't exact. Merely for style only. Refer to the recipe for exactness. Also refer to the recipe for all ingredients. Not everything needed is included in the picture above.

I did some raking this morning, and boy, does yard work build character. I'm not a particularly good raker so it's a bit splotchy, and I'm sure Brandon will come home and point that out to me. However, in my book, it was a great success. It was an impromptu date with myself after my battle with Mason for his morning nap. We went back and forth, until finally I stuck him in his pack and play, and walked away. Cruel and unusual? I think not. But the stories of his naps are for another day.

Because this time, it's about pad thai. One of my friends and I are doing this thing where each week she and I take turns making a dish, and then we split it. I've been having a hankering for some pad thai. It's probably my favorite dish, but I never order it. I usually order panang curry. Why? Because it's safe. 

Pad thai has been one of those dishes that wherever I go, it's different. Every time. And that is very annoying. I like consistency, and if I'm going to spend my hard-earned (or should I say Brandon's?) money, I want to walk away satisfied. And I've never been. So thus the search for the recipe begins, and ended right here.

The google search was the least fascinating, but I went with my gut and took the recipe that spoke truest to me. A few tips and tricks when making this dish:

1. Go to your Asian store. They should have everything you need. Ask an employee for help with the recipe. And if he decides to tell you to use a packet instead, nod, smile and keep on getting your fresh ingredients.

2. When soaking the noodles, let it get pliable. The recipe allows you to add water later on when cooking the noodles, but I don't recommend it. The noodles starts to get a tad mushy rather than being fried.

3. You don't need banana flower. Or preserved turnip. I didn't use either and it turned out good.

4. You can substitute chicken or whatever meat you want for the shrimp in the recipe. Make sure you let the meat cook through, or rather, cook it separately since the meat won't get cooked consistently when mixed in with the noodles.

5. Get the tofu that is dried and refrigerated, not the ones in water. The store employee told me which tofu to get, and for that I am grateful. Otherwise, the tofu I was going to get would have made my pad thai a mush.

6. I have cooked this dish now twice with a child on my hips, but because of everything that goes on with this dish, child on hip is not recommended.

Recipe HERE

Good luck, and if you rather I make it for you, send me some flowers and I'll make it for you the next time I see you.

Happy Friday!

Our Neighborhood

Thursday, November 5, 2015

We finally got around to walking the neighborhood, and it was a perfect day for doing just that. Since we didn't have too much on the agenda, I wanted to learn the roads, and how they connect, and the houses and how they look like. I didn't really have a plan on where to go, but I did a pretty darn good job of hitting a lot of the crevices of our neighborhood. I even ended up walking into my friend's cul de sac, unintentionally.

It's interesting to see what people do to the outside of their houses. Some have pretty shutters, some have big American flags, some are bare. But they all have personalities. Some look sad, some are empty and waiting for new owners, some are immaculate and so neat.

While walking, I noticed how quiet the neighborhood is. I saw two people walking their dogs, but there weren't anyone else. I had assumed that there would be other stay at home moms so I was disappointed to not see any out walking. Not to say that there aren't any as I'm sure there has to be some, I mean, they could be busy inside with their kids. Nonetheless, I hope to meet some around here.

Mason fell asleep, and I was getting hungry so I ended his nap early, and had me some pad thai. Which was bomb. And I will share that this week sometime. Don't pay for it. Make your own. You won't regret it!


Headboard Love

Saturday, October 31, 2015

We cosleep around here, and the other night, Mason started crying, and then during his crying fit, started crawling. Straight for the wall. In between dreams, I heard a thump, and then realized he had hit his head on the wall. Poor baby.

I've been looking at headboards, and am considering a tufted material, not just for Mason, but reading while sitting against a tufted headboard is a lot more comfortable than on a wood headboard, so there you go. I would so love any of these ones.

What Being a Perfectionist Means

Thursday, October 29, 2015

I'm a perfectionist. In other words, nothing gets started, and nothing usually gets done. Ha! I'm concocting the perfect room, the perfect lamp, the perfect couch, the perfect etc, but since it's supposed to be perfect, the task is too daunting so I usually don't even begin to concoct it. Does anyone else have this problem?!!! It's killing my decorating, and I hate it!

We are slowly adding furniture, and when I say slowly, I mean, slooooowwwwwllllyyyyy. Slower than molasses, really. As of this moment, the accessorizing of the room has stopped since I'm waiting on the living room rug to come. I want to see how it will look with the sofa and love seat, then I can decide on the chairs that will also go in there. I also want a couple of poufs for little one seatings. Right now the living room is still quite plain, and of course, I can't add paintings yet, because THE RUG! Oh man, this darn rug. I'm excited though, and I sure hope this rug will make me happy. I read about half of the 300 reviews one night (you're probably thinking, wow, this chick has too much time on her hand), but I mean, THIS RUG IS GOING IN MY LIVING ROOM.

So hence, you can see why this is going to be a lifelong process. Decorating my house. I can't get this until I get that. I can't get that until I think about this. Are things going to match? But not too much because I don't want to get everything at the same place, or make it look like a magazine. I want a little modern, a little industrial, a little rustic. A little of everything.

Which wall will be my gallery wall? Should either side of the fireplace be symmetrical in terms of paintings? Or maybe shelvings? Or maybe just pictures of leaves? Am I being minimalist enough? Am I adding enough colors? Is this boring? Is there too much going on? Is this muted? Is this trying too hard? Is this? Is that? Is the other?

I think you get the point now :) Hence, why this will take a while. But then again, we had very little to work with. So bear with me. Some pictures next week, I promise.


Finding Strength in Our Many Blessings

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Despite all that has happened this past week, I've found strength in our many blessings, and the kindness of those around us.

1. When Brandon and I got to the hospital, we were welcomed into his aunts' arms, in additional to family and church members. The support of family and friends has been especially warming to my heart. The scriptures tell us to mourn with those who are mourning, and without one another, the burden, and the sadness, would be too hard to borne alone.

2. A family in my sister-in-law's ward (church) were out of town, and they opened up their home to us and my in-laws. Their generosity really awed me. We were complete strangers, people they have never met before, and yet they left their home for us to gather together. We were able to be together to support one another, and to just be close, and that meant so very much. I am hoping to pay this forward in the future, as it helped us tremendously.

3. The amount of family and friends from out of town was overwhelming. Despite the distances they had to travel, families and friends made that journey. I heard so many comments about why we had to meet in such circumstances, and it's made me more conscious of visiting our families and friends, and not waiting. I also got to meet more families that I only knew on Facebook, and got to visit and talk with them, and that made me happy.

4. A fund was set up for the expenses for my sister-in-law, and the generous donations just blew me away. I had friends that donated, and shared, and it just made me so very grateful. I saw $5 donations, and was thankful for those, as I felt in my heart that those individuals and families gave all that they had. I saw big anonymous donations that made me get down on my knees and thank the Lord. I hope they know how tremendous of an impact that made, and I do wish I knew them so I could thank them personally. I saw donations with names, and I was grateful for those so I could keep them in my prayers.

5. Before we left the house that was opened to us, we cleaned with the help of my mother-in-law's family, and that was such a big help. I'm not the best cleaner, as Brandon would freely attest, and at home, I would set out to clean, end up reading the mail, and call it a day. With my mother-in-law's family, we were able to split up all the tasks and give it the best clean we could. That helped tremendously, and really got me thinking about delegation and teamwork. We can't subsist without others, and why should we when we can grow and learn with others?

6. One of Brandon's aunts spoke during Michelle's service, and she said something that stuck with me. She spoke about what kind of "breeze" Michelle was, and gave comparisons. She then said something along the lines of how our "breeze" impacts those around us. I've been thinking a lot about that, and what kind of "breeze" I am to those around me. I am not sure what the future holds, and I've been thinking a lot about what I can do for my brother-in-law, and their kids. I don't have the answer to that question, and I don't know if I will be able to be impactful, but I am praying that something will come, and I will be able to do something that will help them.

The feelings comes and goes. It doesn't hit me all at once. It hits me at different times. Yesterday, we drove from eastern Washington. As we drove through one of the valleys, I saw two horses that appeared to have passed away, and three horses standing around them. That just hit me so suddenly, and despite all the things that we are doing this week, it just struck me. Here I am, going about my week like nothing happened last week! Sometimes I want to shake myself, and say What the heck! What are you doing?!!! We just buried Michelle last week. We just left her there in the rain, the cold, and soon, the snow. The leaves are turning, and they'll fall on her grave, and we'll be eating pumpkin pie like nothing happened. What the heck?!!!

But I'm glad to be close to Bryan and the kids. And though it hits me hard sometimes, I'm grateful for the memories I had with Michelle. I have to let those sad feelings pass, and if I have to cry, then so be it. I know she's in Heaven, smiling over us.

Despite all that we are dealing with, there is so much to be thankful for, and I'm thankful for them all.


Beacon Rock State Park

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Last Saturday, Brandon, Mason and I went to Beacon Rock State Park. We weren't planning on going since the weather did not look promising. I woke up at 8am on Saturday, and the sun was shining with some scattered clouds, so I woke Brandon up, and we packed a few things for Mason, and set out for Beacon Rock.

A daily pass was $10, and an annual pass was $30 so we opted for the annual pass.

This park gets super crowded so luckily, there were not a lot of people out there when we got out there. It's three quarter of a mile to the top, and it's a switchback trail. The trail is pretty narrow on the way up. The views are amazing and there are great picture opportunities throughout. I prefer the journey versus the destination - the top. At the top, the surrounding trees block the magnificent view although you definitely still have to take a picture up there.

On our way down, there was a large group coming up, and I'm glad that we came when we did. When we got home, it started raining so I think we timed it perfectly.


Give of Your Love Freely

Saturday, October 17, 2015

This week came and went. We received unexpected news Sunday night. Our little family was face timing my mother in law, and just chatting. All of a sudden, my father in law told us that my sister in law was in the hospital, and she was unconscious. Things happened so fast. We weren't sure what to expect. Brandon cried. We packed our bags, and headed towards Seattle. People called, we talked, we hoped, we prayed, we drove. 

Ugh, I just feel so sick to my tummy.

My mom had made three aprons for me, my mother in law, and my sister in law. I had mailed my mother in law hers. Earlier on Sunday, I had looked up my sister in law's address and stuck it onto the box with the letter and the apron, and was going to mail it the next day. I didn't have any good excuses. I had had the apron since August. I didn't even tell her about the apron because I wanted to surprise her. 

Ugh, I just feel so sick to my tummy.

When we were looking at houses, we bought based on family. I bought it based on my vision of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the other holidays. I thought about how it would fit everyone when they came. I had written my sister in law, and my in laws about Thanksgiving. Yes, I was already thinking about it. We haven't had Thanksgiving together in quite a while now, and I had envisioned me and the kids doing crafts downstairs while their parents slept in upstairs. I had envisioned me making breakfast, and the streams of smells wafting upstairs, and waking everyone up. I had envisioned board games in the kitchen, while we all visited, with food aplenty.

It sucks to not have these things come to fruition. It really does.

But one thing has been incredible, and it's the love and support of friends and families. It's the I love yous. It's the taking time to sit down and talk. It's the slow down, and tell you that you are a gift to my life. It's the compliment that I will tell you right now because I don't know if we have tomorrow. It's the love that I have for you that I want you to know. It's the hugs because you are loved.

It's so easy, and yet, we don't do it enough. But this week, I have felt it thoroughly, and I want to keep it going. I want to give of my love freely.


Weekend Link Love

Friday, October 9, 2015

Mason had his first dentist appointment yesterday. The dentist and the hygienist were so, so good! I have had rock solid recommendations for Mason's doctor, and now with this dentist, I am just ecstatic! I have had my shares of not the best doctors/dentists/etc, so this is just so, so nice. The hygienist watched Mason while I talked to the dentist which was just so helpful since Mason wanted to crawl around and explore all over the office. The dentist was so good with Mason, and playing with him, and talking to him, and explaining. Are all pediatric dentists like this, or did I just lucked out? 

1. I've been using Biore Pore Strips forever now, and there is just something so satisfying about it. The released a limited edition set, and I bought some. I'm such a sucker for limited editions, and beautiful prints. See here.

2. I made a tassel keychain since mine broke, oh, three years ago. Target is selling theirs with a usb for $24.99. A bit pricey in my opinion, but the regular price is $34.99. Mine doesn't have the usb but it probably cost me $8. You decide. You can buy it here.

3. A friend told me about yet another grocery store within a 5 mile radius. It's similar to Whole Foods. I'm amazed at how many different grocery stores we have here. The cashier was super super nice. I think it's because of their motto. The friendliest store in town. Similar to Whole Foods and Chuck's, they also have classes. I really want to check it out. Oh, they also emailed me my receipt. Nice! Go here.

4. I read his book, and I'm thinking I'm going to be spending a lot of time here.

5. I just love the wash of these jeans.

Have a great weekend!



Wednesday, October 7, 2015

I have heard so much about the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI) and have been trying to find a reason to drive down to Portland just for it. Finally, we hooked up with our friends and made it a playdate. There's a lot more to the OMSI, but with our young kids, we just stayed in the Science Playground and they all had a lot of fun. Mason was especially attracted to the sand and water area, but it seemed like that was more appropriate for kids 3 and up. 

On the right side of the second picture above is an upside down cone that has been sliced apart. Coming up from the cone is air. Mason, along with a lot of the other kids, enjoyed watching as the ball floated due to the air coming up. It was pretty neat. 

Afterwards, we had lunch at Bunk Bar Water off of Water Ave. I ordered the Pulled Pork sandwich with the tomato soup, which reminded me of when I was pregnant with Mason, and had so many tomato soup from Jason's Deli. Yum!


don't ask for what you can't bear

Monday, October 5, 2015

Or something like that.

Mason was previously sleeping at 10pm, which meant he would sleep until 8 or even 9am the next morning. This also meant that once Mason was in bed, we ourselves didn't get into bed until well past midnight.

I casually mentioned to several people that maybe I should put him into bed earlier, say 7pm or 8pm. That way, once he gets to bed, and I finish up the dishes and cleaning up, it may just be 9pm and that will still give me some time to read, and relax.

In theory, it really seemed like a great idea. However, I failed to realize that since he would be going to bed earlier, that also meant he would be waking up earlier. And that means 7am. Ugh. I haven't seen 7am since February, when I was working.

So basically, don't ask for what you can't bear. Or if you do, understand the consequences. It's not all rainbows and butterflies.

And yes, I'm just complaining. But my problem is that I want to relax for 4 or 5 hours, and that turns into midnight. It honestly is nice that I get some evening time to relax and Mason gets to bed at a decent hour. And yes, once he's bed, I'm missing him already and wondering whether I should keep him up so we can play together.


this week's to-do

At the stores, I'm seeing pumpkins, and costumes, and decorations everywhere. I've got a couple of weeks, but around here, things take a little longer than usual nowadays. So here's the things that I must, must get done this week!

1. Figure out costumes for our family. Or maybe just Mason. Mason first and foremost, and if there is extra time, maybe us as well. All suggestions welcome!
2. Decide on a local attraction for a membership. There are so many fun things that we have enjoyed, and would continue to enjoy, but I'm going to limit us to one membership right now, and see how that goes. 
3. Plan out our October. I'm such a planner and yet, looking at my calendar, crickets. We are set to move towards the end of the month so that will keep us busy, but I usually like to have some things penciled in for us to do.

Happy Monday!


a house, a home

Friday, October 2, 2015

I was looking at my calendar yesterday, and I got all excited since we are supposed to be closing on our first home this month. Needless to say, Mason and I have been busy scoping out nearby home decor shops in anticipation of us moving.

I love going into people's homes because they all tell a story, and I hope we'll be able to tell our own story when we get into our house.

Here are some of my faves from some of my favorite shops.

We are participating in our church's semiannual conference. You can participate here. Have a great weekend!

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